What In The Hell Happened To You?

Society likes to yell and complain about the fact that there are dogs that are left outside in the cold. Those that decide to leave a dog outside, to freeze, are worthy of a lot of vitriol. But what about humanity? Society’s finest doesn’t seem to care about the fact that there are homeless people out there, some of which have jobs and yet cannot afford to live in an apartment let alone pay their bills. It’s something that I recently found out first hand with my work.

I was left outside once. It was a couple of months back, it got really cold, and I was just trying to be myself on a date. My date invited me to a bar, and we had a few drinks, but instead of calling me a cab, uber, or anything else, she left me on the sidewalk. “It’s ok, we can be friends”, is always a nice thing to tell someone, but what good is a friend that does this?

Abandoned on the sidewalk, I wasn’t drunk enough to not know where I was, but I was drunk enough not to drive. So I was left there alone, with my thoughts, and it got blistering cold. I woke up like Jack Torrance, and although I wasn’t dead, a part of me died right there. I learned a lesson.

I’m still learning lessons.

I wanted to email my ex girlfriend. Can I call her that? We didn’t make it official, but she certainly wanted me to not date other women, nor be polyamorous, and well I caved in. I didn’t email her.

I got a new phone.

The same number, new phone, but work has me limited on how I use it. I deleted my Instagram. I restarted one under the business model that I want to push. However, I am realizing that we all portray the best of ourselves, not the reality that we are living. I do that too.

It’s for that reason why I stepped aside. I deleted many friends on my Facebook, the ones that don’t talk, the ones that don’t share, the ones that keep trying to poke the proverbial bear. That’s ok.

I haven’t been writing as much.

I wrote a few poems, but shared them with only a couple of people, they said they didn’t like poetry. So I stopped.

“Do things for you, stop worrying about what others think….”

I still hear Ms. Bird’s words, even though I lost connection with her when I deleted my social media picture show. I still remember that she said to do things for me, and well, here I am doing things for me. It’s lonely when you’re alone, and that’s the case right? Who died with the greatest of achievers? Who was there to feel that sting of death? Who visits the grave of the great ones? Certainly not you, certainly not I, so if I’m manifested to be great or am esoteric enough to be a shining light for those that find me, then so be it.

I’m alone.

I was treated like a dog, left out cold, and I stopped chasing. I started to sit down, and let my stench fill my nostrils. This is desperation. This is what Salem’s suburbs leaves you with.

So with that in mind, let me put on this scarlet letter, not that it says A, but rather M, Mexican. Mexican in a place where I don’t belong, feeling my highs, and my lows, assimilated and for what? For society’s finest to once again pass on me, including the person I trusted…”I’ve made it very clear…”

Yeah. You did. I’m still dwelling on it. I’m still whining, because at the end of the day, even “friends” treated me like a dog here in Indianapolis. Left out cold, left in the ice, like a dog tied up to a tree in the hood adjacent area that I call home now.

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