I thought I had found a haven for the misfits. I thought this was my new home, a place that honored pro wrestling, punk rock ethos, kung fu movies, hockey, and beyond. I was thrilled by the notion of being in a place that was not too far away from my home, and that seemed to cater to what I like.
I went there a few times, I didn’t drink that much, then I ran into a wall. Friday night I went home at 3 am, I had a few drinks, I talked to a lot of people, I was told I was ugly, and I was told to not give up on the dream. I don’t remember telling anyone the dreams I had, but hey, why not, I’ll run with it.
Then I took another L.
This wasn’t as bad as the previous L’s that I took, but this one was a harsh truth.
“Why must we stay where we don’t belong
Because there’s never gonna be enough space”
Let’s rewind. Sunday morning I helped my ex move a lot of heavy furniture and boxes. She also found some really cool relics from my past, and wanted to know if I wanted them. I accepted them, and they are sitting in my car right now. Afterwards I had the choice of going to get tacos, or going to the Sinking Ship, a bar that I thought would be my second home, since I was willing to drop a lot of money in there. Not that they need it, and not that anyone cares, but they are an establishment that seemed to hinge on the esoteric, and if you know me, you know that I am the second person that can say, because Esoteric is one of the best rappers in the world, and yet I’ve yet to run into anyone that has heard of him here in Indianapolis.
I go to the Sinking Ship, why not, it’s $2 PBR cans, and so I figure I can milk them. I had 3 total in 5 hours. However, every hour or so I was getting shots of whiskey. The bartender went on a diatribe about pacing, and drunks, and then insinuated that I was going to be a beligerent drunk, and I didn’t take offense. I told him I’ll slow down if he’s concerned or cut me off now, and he said he didn’t mean it, and apologized. Then later came back and apologized again, and well, in the discourse that he was talking about he basically was warning a single woman that was sitting next to me.
I learned a lot about talking to women from this day, and afternoon. Meredith was her name, she didn’t remember mine, because why would she? She said she was single, her friend said that she would love me, and then nothing. Eventually she said, “I feel like I’m under a microscope, and pressured, I don’t like it.” that’s when I decided to leave. The bartender stepped in, cashed me out, and told me he wasn’t going to serve me any longer, and he said, “you’ve been drinking since 2 pm”, and so he cut me off, asked me to leave, and that was it. Meanwhile, I was loving “Clan of the White Lotus”, but hey, you can’t stay at a bar and not drink too much, or just kick it for a few hours without ordering more, because at a certain point you’ll get asked to leave. Here’s the kicker, my tab was only $23, and that included chili dogs! They were good, but not great. Anyways, $23 is not a giant tab, and considering I only had 3 PBR’s, and a few shots of whiskey, and a free shot of tequila a random dude gave me, I think I did alright.
Remember that time I talked about taking an L, and the Simpsons trivia fiasco? I talked about that, and I also talked about how I hated Fountain Square. Well, now, thanks to Meredith, and the Sinking Ship, I can cross out another bar or place that I do not wish to go back to, especially after meeting a couple of people that told me what they thought about one of my passions, skateboarding.
“I don’t give a shit about skateboarding”
Let that sink in.
I talked to an ex girlfriend. I asked if she drank. She said she’s slowly going back to that. I asked her one last time if she really felt nothing for me, and she confirmed it very well, it was definitely something that I will not forget. It’s a reason why I hate Fountain Square, and now, double down on it. “It felt real at first, but it was a lie…I’ve been very clear”.
Now for a change. Now to find a new place of solace. No more bars. No more drinking, no more trying to find “the one”. I’m going to find a new way to spill me. If I’m meant to be with someone, they need not look far, because I’m still standing, and if I never become who I thought Id be, that’s ok. I’ve failed really hard, and in the end, why do we fall? So we learn how to get back up….so I leave you with this last note.
What’s the basis for change
Excuses to feed my ego’s rage
Cling to my comfort to clench
Content with my sadistic wrench