So This Is The New Year

I don’t feel any different.

I take that back already. I’m looking at a stamp on my hand that tells me I went to a secondary bar the night before the new year. I had bought a ticket to an event at a tiki bar, and well, I ended up drinking and having a good time, only to be rejected by some people I don’t even know.

Is this my future?

I’ve only had one major New Year’s memory in the past.

That last time I pissed my pants, and told my ex wife I was a bad man, then took my wedding ring off and gave it to her.

This time around, the end of 2019, I purchased a ticket to a NYE party that had an open bar, and free food. I had none of the food. They were supposed to come around and offer it, but I never got any of it. I did, however, get to drink and enjoy the people watching.

What is it that you seek?

I kept askign myself this, as I sat there in a new arena. At one moment, I wanted to meet a woman. The next, I just wanted to be ok. I didn’t want to be depressed any longer, and it just never came. I don’t remember anyone’s name. However, there was a few notes that stood out.

The Blue Haired Girl

I met a blue haired girl. She was stunning. I was immediately attracted to her. However, when I asked more about her, she told me that she was with someone, and I wanted to meet him too. He was an elderly man, and I asked him about how he got her, and well, he didn’t know. I chatted with him, gave him my card, and tried to understand the dynamic. She was a beautiful woman, and apparently in love with this very elderly man. She’ll be forever etched in my mind, but I wondered why. I tried asking why, but he didn’t have an answer. I didn’t either.

I got home after all. I don’t remember putting my alarm on, but I did, and managed to come to work on time. The evening was a semi-blur, but I do know that my life is not meant to be a barfly.

What awaits us in the new year?

Well, if you’re following my blog or know me, you probably know that I’m working on more blogs, more updates, and working towards a different world. I’m alone, but not necessarily lonely all the time, but when I am out and in bars, I realize just how alone I truly am. That’s ok.

As is my custom, here I end this note with a few lyrical moments from Eyedea.

“I soak up every little bit to sharpen my bones.
All grown up still trying to find my way home.
I never been cleaned or cloned.
My heart’s never been owned.
I’m lonely, but everyone is lonely so at least I’m not alone.
This road is filled with pot holes,
but I don’t need to tell you something you already know.
We’re both sinking in the same boat.”

In 2019, in 2020, I miss Angie Calvert, Rae Ann Shattuck, and well, that’s about it. Congratulations, you two were the loves I still deeply wish I could return to, because those were the times when I felt happy. Ms. Calvert, angel of Churchman Avenue, maybe one day you’ll remember me.

Until the day I’m gone, this is my 2019 write up. Here are the highlights of my year:

  • saw AEW Double or Nothing in Vegas
  • stayed friends with Amanda
  • met Angie Calvert
  • saw the Get Up Kids
  • saw The Ataris
  • saw Social Distortion
  • met Taco Mouth’s singer
  • moved into a new place
  • got my sister to visit
  • slept outside of a bar
  • blogged on
  • kept a full time job
  • read 121 some odd books
  • got tarot cards read

As far as I can remember, these were my highlights. Low points were huge though, and here are my low points:

  • divorced
  • was told “I don’t love you”
  • got drunk on a plane and freaked out
  • went to Seattle, met someone new, they ghosted me
  • the Thunderbird in Fountain Square was racist towards me
  • I hate Fountain Square
  • cried after Simpsons trivia night
  • met several polyamorous people, that don’t want to be any longer when they met me
  • my nephew’s murderer is still not in jail
  • my ex wife has had more dates than me, and still does
  • my ex wife jumped to a new company and named her salary, they gave it to her
  • almost filed bankruptcy
  • was ghosted 17 different times
  • written up at work, and almost fired twice
  • car accident
  • new car, high price, bad credit
  • no friends made in Indianapolis
  • lonely

That was 2019.

2020, I’ve been told would be better. Let’s start new. We can do this!

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