It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single by Sara Eckel

It's Not You by Sara Eckel

A book about being single, written for women? Hell, why not? Within 1 day, while moving, I listened to what Sara Eckel’s book had to say, and while I’m divorced, and haven’t been in a serious relationship in a while, this book was quite the eye awakening journey. It basically took a lot of the reasons why I have been down, and threw me into the pantheon of reasons why it’s not really me, it’s everyone else.

Ok, wait a minute, let’s not get too forward, it’s not that I’m perfect, but rather the reflection of things about being single, the larger construct of science, meeting people online, and so much more is really well placed here. There’s nothing “WRONG” with women, and men, in some cases it’s just not what people think is problematic.

My favorite aspect of this book revolves around the idea of singleness as something to be proud of, and something that is not meant to frustrate. This is specifically something that speaks to the struggle of work, life, balance, and planning all into one. One of the aspects that ring true includes, “single people struggle with work life balance, just like everyone else and actually do a lot of work without having someone else to split the load with e.g. cooking, cleaning, retirement planning, tax filing, furniture shopping, food shopping, home fixing, travel research, paying mortgage, electricity, health insurance etc.” (Eckel, 2014). What happens if you don’t get married? What if you’re older? What if you don’t find another one, or the one, or anyone? Researchers study this a great deal and it’s fascinating to see the highlights of singleness on an academic level. RA Ward’s work on the matter, for instance, focuses on the clarity that comes from aging, dating, and not marrying for a variety of reasons (RA Ward, 1979). Of course, that’s older work, but still relevant in 2019, much like RL Rbuinstein’s work that focused on childless older women, which relates to Eckel’s premise as well (RL Rubinstein, 1991).

What we have in our lives, as single people is us, and that doesn’t mean detriment in any way. I took this book and ran with it, and it made me feel good about myself, which few books have in the past. It’s meant for women, it’s a sociological, love, and romance book that really focuses on the psychology we all miss when single and not getting many dates. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Sara Eckel’s book on why you’re wrong about why you’re single, is a worthwhile read for men and women alike. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and panic disorder, and this book helped me become calm amidst a storm of asking myself, “why”, and instead focused on, “why not”, and that’s a great thing.

References

Eckel, Sara. It’s Not You: 27 (wrong) Reasons You’re Single. TarcherPerigee, 2014.

Ward, Russell A. “The never-married in later life.” Journal of Gerontology 34, no. 6 (1979): 861-869.

Rubinstein, Robert L., Baine B. Alexander, Marcene Goodman, and Mark Luborsky. “Key relationships of never married, childless older women: A cultural analysis.” Journal of Gerontology 46, no. 5 (1991): S270-S277.

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